In a class given at Stanford, the last lecture was on the mind-body connection–the relationship between stress and disease.  The speaker (head of psychiatry at Stanford) said, among other things, that one of the best things that a man could do for his health is to be married to a woman whereas for a woman, one of the best things she could do for her health was to nurture her relationships with her girlfriends.  At first everyone laughed, but he was serious.

Women connect with each other differently and provide support systems that help each other to deal with stress and difficult life experiences. Physically this quality “girlfriend time” helps us to create more serotonin–a neurotransmitter that helps combat depression and can create a general feeling of well being.  Women share feelings whereas men often form relationships around activities. They rarely sit down with a buddy and talk about how they feel about certain things or how their personal lives are going.  Jobs? Yes.   Sports? Yes.  Cars? Yes. Fishing, hunting, golf?  Yes.  But their feelings?–rarely.  Women do it all of the time. We share from our souls with our sisters, and evidently that is very good for our health.  He said that spending time with a friend is just as important to our general health as jogging or working out at a gym.

There’s a tendency to think that when we are “exercising” we are doing something good for our bodies, but when we are hanging out with friends, we are wasting our time and should be more productively engaged–not true.  In fact, he said that failure to create and maintain quality personal relationships with other humans is as dangerous to our physical health as smoking!  So every time you hang out to schmooze with a gal pal, just pat yourself on the back and congratulate yourself for doing something good for your health!  We are indeed very, very lucky.   So, let’s toast to our friendship with our girlfriends. It’s very good for our health.

What are your thoughts? Do your girlfriends keep you healthy?

What does it look like to put “ME” first at the holidays?  Here are 10 things that are happening for me this holiday season:

1. Fitness is important, so I show up everyday at the gym or take a walk, or do both.
2. The food I choose to eat is healthy…does that mean I deny myself all holiday treats?  No, I simply make more healthy choices than unhealthy choices.
3. I get the proper rest, so maybe I need not be the last one to leave the holiday party.
4. Growing intellectually is key, so I carve out time each morning and night to read something from which I learn.
5. Emotional fitness comes from expressing my feelings among friends and those close to me.
6. Maintaining bonds with people in my business and personal networks allows me to meet my social needs.
7. Tapping into my creativity, like playing Christmas songs on my guitar or piano feeds my spirit.
8. Setting aside time for meditation (and prayer) keeps me centered on what’s important each day.
9. Using the “slow” times at work allows me to reconnect with colleagues that I haven’t talked with recently.
10. Allowing others to do for me…truly allowing myself to receive their gifts of time and service… frees me up so I can be fully present and enjoy the holidays.

Are you putting “ME” first?  

Haven’t we all fooled ourselves into believing that we must put others first? 

But by putting “ME” first, aren’t we are actually more available to be there for the ones we love?

Merry Christmas!

1.  Physical – am I taking care of my body?  Have I worked out, eaten healthy food, gotten adequate rest?  In essence, have I listened to what my body is telling me, and responded in a healthy way?
2. Mental – have I exercised my mind?  What did I do to meet my intellectual needs?  Did I read, listen to a book on tape, attend a lecture or research a topic online?
3. Spiritual – did I achieve a conscious contact with a power greater than myself?  Did I meditate, pray or tap into my intuition throughout my day?  Did I actually carve out a quiet moment?
4. Emotional – how did I express my emotions today?  Did I let others know how I was feeling or did I ignore or stuff my emotions?  How did I care for my emotional self?
5. Social – did I engage with other human beings and meet my needs for affiliation?  Did I invest quality time in all my relationships?

 Caroline Myss describes the concept of a daily energy bank in her book, “Anatomy of the Spirit.”  She talks about how each day, we begin with a bank of energy (physical, mental, spiritual, etc.) and throughout our day, due to life events, we become depleted, and before we know it, we’re burned out and completely unaware of the causes.  

 Take a moment and check up on your state of balance.  Where can you use a tune up?

This newscast closed with the Today Show anchor making the following comment on how to deal with the problems of today’s financial markets:  “Live one day at a time.”  Sounds like a good idea.  Afterall, it’s the pillar of one profoundly successful organization called Alcoholics Anonymous.  But how can you  live one day at a time as a successful business leader?

I like the description of Argyris’ model posted on the Leadership Mind blog. Click Here

Think about this time the next someone does something that irritates you.  Is your reaction based upon your truth or THE truth?  How do you know if you are climbing the “right” ladder?

“It is hardly news that, despite the feminine “revolution” that began in the 1970’s, the majority of women haven’t found the enjoyment, lifestyle or satisfaction they once imagined.  The reason they attribute to their problem is that they have taken on too much!   But, that is just the tip of the iceberg.   Career women, in particular, have come to believe it is their lot in life to be running on 8-cylinders day in and day out.  

 “Women are dancing to a frenzied beat, believing just because they can, they think they should.  They have been taught if they are capable of doing something it shouldn’t be necessary to look for help.

 “This has led women to become frustrated by experiencing long days and nightmarish schedules.  Women are exhausted. “    ~John Agno, Certified Executive Coach 

 Can you relate?  Authors John Agno and Barb McEwen explore these ideas further in their book “When Doing It All Won’t Do“: A self-coaching guide for career women.”

 This is not your typical leadership book.  You won’t read it and be transformed, but if you do the work, you’ll begin the shift.  John and Linda not only articulate the frustrations and challenges of professional women, but present the material in workbook fashion so the reader can apply the principles.  They understand that change is not an event, rather it is a process that requires active involvement over time.  This book is a great first step in the transformation process and is a solid foundation for any professional woman to build upon with her leadership or career coach.

Many people believe that introverts, by definition, are shy and extroverts are outgoing. This is incorrect. Introverts and extroverts differ in how they process information. Introverts get their energy internally. Extroverts gain energy from being with other people, often the more the merrier.

There are shy extroverts and outgoing introverts. Most of us have a little of both in us, but lean one way or the other.

Introverts often prefer to spend time alone or in small groups of people, and they tend to carefully gather their thoughts before they speak. Extroverts love to talk and typically “think out loud,” processing information by talking.

You don’t need a degree in psychology to see how this could cause serious problems in a relationship. Introverts and extroverts approach the world in fundamentally different ways. Introverts think extroverts talk too fast, too loud and too much. Extroverts often believe introverts are awkward, withholding or cold.

In today’s social-media driven world, it’s getting easier for introverts to speak on their own terms, yet it’s also getting harder to turn the extroverts off.

The population is split pretty much evenly between introverts and extroverts, according to psychologist Laurie Helgoe, assistant clinical professor at the West Virginia School of Medicine and author of “Introvert Power: Why Your Inner Life Is Your Hidden Strength.” In a 1998 study conducted by the Center for Applications of Psychological Type (the folks who run the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator personality test), 51% of some 3,000 subjects who were randomly sampled and tested were introverts. In a smaller study in 2001, 57% were introverts. Introverts were pretty evenly split between males and females, too.

In brain-imaging studies, brains of introverts show more activity in response to external stimuli. This could explain why introverts feel the need to regulate the amount of stimulation coming in. In contrast, extravert brains show more activity in areas related to pleasure-seeking. They find social interactions fun and are driven to create them.

When someone speaks to an introvert, her brain responds with a high level of activity. “It is as if several lights start flashing on a control panel,” says Dr. Helgoe. The introvert needs to turn inward. If the other person keeps talking, the introvert can become distracted from her mental process and feel overwhelmed.

When introverts and extroverts converse, “what looks like communication can actually be a problem,” says Dr. Helgoe. The introvert is quiet and appears to be listening; the extrovert takes this as a cue to keep talking. “The introvert may shut out the extrovert, perhaps while silently nodding, or stop trying to contribute,” she says. The extrovert needs to learn to slow down, but the introvert needs to learn to speak up.

Need some help improving your introvert-extrovert relations?

If so, first figure out “who you are” by taking some online personality tests. (Here’s a link to a free MBTI.)

Recognize that introverts and extroverts simply process information differently. Extroverts really do need to be with other people. Introverts need ‘down time.’ Extroverts don’t know what they are thinking until they speak it….whereas…Introverts need time to think through the issue but, generally, will not talk about their conclusion until asked.

If you wish to discuss an important issue with an Introvert, give the person early notice as to what you wish to discuss; so the introvert can think it through before it is time to discuss the issue with you.

 Source: Wall Street Journal, June 28, 2011

Laurie Helgoe Ph.D.: Introvert Power: Why Your Inner Life Is Your Hidden Strength

So, what is the best version of yourself?  I’m not talking about what you have or what you do.  I’m talking about who you are.  In his book, Kelly describes the best-version-of-yourself as “our essential purpose” and “who we were created to be.”  What are the words that describe the “who” that you want people to remember? 

One of the most valuable exercises I did early on with my first coach was to define my Life Vision.  Believe me, it was something I resisted.  You see, I’m very goal oriented, so at that time of my life and development, a vision looked more like a list of tasks to complete and milestones to reach than a true vision.  Being the-best-version-of-myself at that time meant doing everything on my list.  Yes, for many years, being meant doing.

But in the name of professional development, I relented, and I agreed to define my vision.  It made me explore my core values – it made me look at who I am at the very core.  It caused me to put on paper what was most important in my life.  Funny thing, though, the vision had nothing to do with tasks and accomplishments, and everything to do with the “who” I strive to be.

Defining my vision shed light on what the best-version-of-myself was so I could then examine my life and learn whether I was living authentically and in harmony with those values.  An interesting thing occurred as a result.  I became aware of when my life’s circumstances were in sync with the vision, because things flowed easily.  Conversely, when I encountered people, places or things that were not in harmony with my vision, it became obvious that I needed to make an adjustment to get back in the flow. 

Wonder where to start on the journey to discovering the-best-version-of-yourself?  You can start with a guided exploration of your core values with a coach or you can find an exercise in my book, “Yes! You Can Land a Job Even in a Crummy Economy” that will get you started on your journey.

The inventor of DiSC, William Moulton Marston was an amazing individual.  He was a lawyer, a psychologist, he invented the first functional lie detector/polygraph machine, he authored many self-help books, and — last but certainly not least — created the Wonder Woman comics.  His work was unusual in that he studied “normal behavior” of people engaged in everyday life, while his protégés focused their research on abnormal behavior of institutionalized subjects.

can be classified into four categories:  Dominance (D), Influence (i), Steadiness (S), and Conscientiousness (C).  We all spend various amounts of energy in each of these types of behaviors, but in their pure form they can be characterized this way:

 Dominance (D):  these are the results driven behaviors.  People whose behaviors are high in Dominance are at the finish line before anyone has heard the gun go off.

Influence (i):  these are the persuasive behaviors.  People whose behaviors are high in Influence are most interested in winning over their audience.

Steadiness (S):  these are the predictable, even keel behaviors.  People whose behaviors are high in Steadiness seek consensus and harmony.

Conscientiousness (C):  these are the behaviors that focus on order and accuracy.  People whose behaviors are high in Conscientious are driven toward getting things right.

Understanding your primary behavioral style helps you become conscious of how you see the world and how the world sees you.  It allows you to see your strengths from the outside and gives you a glimpse at what your strengths look like to others when they become overused. 

 Do you know how the world sees your behaviors?  What are your real behavioral strengths?  How do your strengths look when they are overused?  How does your behavioral style help you in your current role?  How does it hold you back?

 Let me know if you’d like to learn more about your DiSC profile and what it means in the context of your professional development and career.

The first step in the Universal Growth Process is Awareness.  What is awareness?  How do you define it? 

The first place I look for understanding is Merriam-Webster’s dictionary.  (OK, here’s your first awareness quiz: how many think Merriam Webster was a very smart female who published a famous dictionary?) 

Aware-ness (noun): having or showing realization, perception, or knowledge.

Sounds reasonable, doesn’t it?  When you are aware, you realize something, perceive something or have knowledge of something.  But, now, look at the synonyms listed under the term of awareness, and you will begin to understand what the word awareness means in the context coaching, personal or professional development, which begins with awareness of self.

Synonyms: alive, conscious, cognizant, mindful, sensible.

When leaders ask me what I do for clients, I often say, I help them “become conscious” of what they are doing so they can choose to adapt if what they are doing is not the right action for a given situation.  Becoming conscious or mindful is a process though that evolves over time, but as a person grows in their understanding of self, they become more alive.  It’s a natural and wonderful process to watch!